Childhood experiences
Childhood experiences shape how we see ourselves, other people and the world around us. While many men have grown up feeling safe and supported, others may experience abuse, neglect, bullying, and more. These adverse childhood experiences can increase the risk of suicidal thoughts later in life.
Our early experiences help shape our confidence, self-worth, relationships and ability to cope with life’s challenges. For some boys who experience challenges in childhood (across a diverse spectrum i.e., abuse, neglect, bullying, abandonment), restrictive ideas about masculinity can make it harder to talk about what they have experienced, ask for help or process their emotions. When this distress remains unresolved, it can affect mental health and increase vulnerability to suicidal thoughts later in life, particularly during times of stress.
47%
of people experience at least one adverse childhood experience.
1 in 9
adults have experienced four or more adverse childhood experiences.
2-3x
increased risk for suicide attempts and suicidal ideation identified in adults who experienced sexual, physical or emotional abuse as children.
Examples of adverse childhood experiences
Childhood experiences can shape our emotional, social and psychological development. While everyone’s experiences are different, research suggests some difficult childhood experiences can increase vulnerability to mental health difficulties and suicidal thoughts later in life.
Below are some examples of childhood experiences that may have a lasting impact on wellbeing.
Experiences where a child is harmed by another person.
- Physical abuse
- Verbal abuse
- Emotional abuse
- Sexual abuse
- Sibling abuse
- Bullying
- Domestic abuse
Experiences where a child’s physical or emotional needs are not met.
- Physical neglect
- Emotional neglect
- Abandonment
- Lack of love or affection
- Over-controlling parenting
Difficulties at home that can affect a child’s sense of safety and stability.
- Household mental illness
- Household substance misuse
- Parental separation or divorce
- Incarceration of a household member
- Bereavement
Experiences outside the home that can affect confidence, belonging and wellbeing.
- Social isolation or loneliness
- Community violence
- Poverty or financial hardship
- Discrimination or stigma
- Growing up without appropriate support for neurodivergence
- Body image or appearance-based stigma
Possible long-term effects of negative childhood experiences
Many men who have experienced suicidal thoughts described growing up without feeling emotionally or physically safe. Possible long-term effects of adverse childhood experiences often fall into two broad areas:
Some people grow up believing there is something wrong with them because they were abused, criticised, bullied, rejected or made to feel different. Over time, this can contribute to:
- Low self-esteem
- Self-criticism
- Shame
- Feeling like you don’t belong
- Difficulty regulating emotions
- Struggling to recognise your own value
Others grow up in environments where the people around them felt unpredictable, frightening or unavailable. This may make it difficult to:
- Trust other people
- Build close relationships
- Ask for help
- Believe others genuinely care
- Feel safe relying on others
These early experiences may affect how people view themselves and others throughout life, making it harder to cope when new stresses arise.
Real stories
Hearing from others can help us understand how experiences in childhood can shape the way we see ourselves, manage emotions and respond to pressure later in life. These stories share personal experiences of growing up, the expectations placed on us, and how early experiences can influence our mental health and relationships as we get older.
Joe Wicks, fitness coach and TV presenter.
Growing up, Joe Wicks experienced a difficult and unsettled childhood, with his father struggling with heroin addiction and his mother facing OCD, anxiety and an eating disorder. At school, Joe was often labelled the “naughty kid” and struggled with his emotions and behaviour. Exercise became an important outlet for him, helping him manage difficult feelings and find a sense of purpose.
Looking back, Joe realised his childhood had not been normal, but he used those experiences to shape the person he wanted to become. His story is a reminder that a difficult childhood does not have to determine your future.
Billy Connoly, comedian and actor
Billy Connolly has spoken openly about the sexual and physical abuse he experienced from his father during childhood. For years, he carried the trauma with him while struggling with alcohol and drugs.
After his father died, he opened up to his wife about what had happened, who encouraged him to seek professional support. Therapy helped him confront his past and understand its lasting impact, while giving up alcohol and learning to challenge the negative thoughts he carried with him became important parts of his recovery.
Survivors of child violence tell their stories
Hear directly from survivors of childhood violence, sharing their experiences and the lasting impact it has had on their lives. These stories deserve to be heard, helping us better understand the reality of childhood violence and its effects on people from all backgrounds and communities.
Are you struggling?
Difficult childhood experiences can affect your mental health long after childhood has ended. They may influence how you see yourself, trust others, manage your emotions or cope with stressful situations. While these experiences can have a lasting impact, they do not have to define your future. With the right support, healing and recovery are possible.
There are a number of things you can do to help yourself:
- Talk to someone you trust about how your childhood experiences continue to affect you.
- Speak to your GP or another healthcare professional about your mental health and how you’re feeling.
- Consider talking therapies or counselling to help you understand and process difficult experiences.
- Be kind to yourself and recognise that healing takes time. Recovery isn’t about forgetting what happened but learning healthier ways to cope.
- Try to maintain routines that support your wellbeing, such as regular sleep, physical activity and eating well.
- Avoid relying on alcohol, drugs or other unhealthy coping strategies to manage emotional pain.
NAPAC – Resources for Adult Survivors of Childhood Abuse
Support for adults affected by childhood abuse.
- Visit the website
- 0808 801 0331
Cruse Bereavement Support
Emotional support for anyone affected by bereavement, including people whose loss happened during childhood.
- Visit the website
- 0808 808 1677
Prisoners' Families Helpline
Free, confidential information, advice and support for families affected by imprisonment and the criminal justice system.
- Visit the website
- 0808 808 2003
Samaritans
Support for anyone who is struggling to cope including difficult childhood experiences, mental health or suicidal thoughts.
- Visit the website
- 116 123
Stay Alive app
Whether you’re struggling with your mental health or suicidal thoughts, or supporting someone else, our NHS-recommended Stay Alive app offers practical tools and access to over 800 resources to help you stay safe.
Grounding techniques
Access breathing exercises and grounding techniques that can help deal with overwhelming anxiety, pain or emotions.
Safety plan
Create a Safety Plan to recognise warning signs early and outline the steps you can take if a suicidal crisis is beginning or escalating.
LifeBox
Upload photos and memories to your LifeBox. These reminders can help ground you, bring comfort and offer a moment of calm when you need it most.
Stay Alive app
All of these tools and more are available on our Stay Alive app, making them easy to access when you or someone you are worried about is struggling.
Did you know? Our free app was the first in the UK, has won multiple awards and is helping a million people all over the world. Please consider a donation (whatever you can afford) to continue to develop the maintenance and development of our app.
Story of hope - Pete
Pete shares how reaching out for support helped him work through challenges from his childhood, and how this inspired him to support others facing suicidal thoughts.
Are you worried about someone?
It can be difficult for someone to talk about painful childhood experiences, especially if they happened many years ago. They may feel ashamed, worry they won’t be believed, or think they should have “moved on”.
Here are some ways you can support someone you are worried about:
- Notice signs they may be struggling, such as withdrawing from others, low self-esteem, difficulty trusting people, changes in mood or behaviour, or using alcohol or drugs to cope.
- Listen carefully and take what they say seriously, even if they minimise their experiences or say they are “fine”.
- Reassure them that what happened was not their fault and that everyone responds to childhood experiences differently.
- Avoid pressuring them to talk before they are ready. Let them share their experiences at their own pace.
- Encourage them to speak to their GP or a mental health professional if their childhood experiences are affecting their wellbeing.
- Continue checking in with them. Recovery from childhood trauma often takes time, and ongoing support can make a significant difference.
NAPAC – Supporting Adult Survivors of Childhood Abuse
Free and confidential support for supporters of an adult affected by childhood abuse.
- Visit the website
- 0808 801 0331
Samaritans
Practical guidance for anyone worried about someone who may be struggling with their mental health or experiencing suicidal thoughts.
Mind
Guidance for friends and family supporting someone affected by trauma, including practical advice on listening, understanding their needs, setting boundaries and helping them find further support.
Stay Alive app
Our award-winning Stay Alive app provides additional information on how to keep someone safe, including warning signs, practical steps, things to avoid and more.
Learn more about how to approach a conversation about suicide and support someone who may be struggling.
Gain the skills to support men
Whether you’re struggling with the impact of childhood experiences yourself or supporting someone who is, remember that support is available. Talking openly, taking small steps and finding the right support can make a real difference. You don’t have to face the effects of difficult childhood experiences alone.
“Social connection builds resilience, and resilience helps create post-traumatic wisdom, and that wisdom leads to hope. Hope for you and hope for others witnessing and participating in your healing, hope for your community.”
Dr Bruce D. Perry, world-renowned American psychiatrist and neuroscientist known for his work on childhood trauma and brain development.
Men's Suicide Prevention Hub
Sources
What Are The 10 Aces of Childhood Trauma? – The Mulberry Bush
Boxed stats:
47% of people experience at least one adverse childhood experience.
1 in 9 adults have experienced four or more adverse childhood experiences the threshold at which risk of serious harm becomes particularly pronounced.
2-3x increased risk for suicide attempts and suicidal ideation identified in adults who experienced sexual, physical or emotional abuse as children
Image credits
Joe wicks – Duk3L1xon, CC BY-SA 4.0, https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/2/2f/Joe_Wicks_at_SXSW_London_June_2025_%28cropped%29.jpg?utm_source=commons.wikimedia.org&utm_campaign=index&utm_content=original, via Wikimedia Commons
Billy Connolly – Eva Rinaldi, CC BY-SA 2.0, https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/9/95/Billy_Connolly_Festival_Cine_Sidney.jpg?utm_source=commons.wikimedia.org&utm_campaign=index&utm_content=original, via Wikimedia Commons
