“For me, anorexia had become a way to shut down from trauma and block out unbearable emotional and mental pain and numbness. I was seeking detachment from my own mind.

Blocking out these feelings with anorexia allowed the pain and darkness to creep in more. I was isolated, trapped and physically weak and broken. Mentally, I saw no way out. Anorexia convinced me I didn’t deserve to be in this world, just like the voices of my traumas. It felt like a slow suicide – but starving, restricting food and becoming too weak to function was the only way I felt safe.

My turning point was being given hope and the opportunity to remove my mask of ‘I’m fine’ and allowing supportive people from Beat and Samaritans to help me find the right treatment. Talking about my thoughts and feelings helped me realise that I was still loved, still worthy and still enough. I realised I wasn’t defined by the voices of anorexia and trauma, that I could offer something to this world and become my own loving best friend. I realised that anorexia was lying to me, and I didn’t have to be ashamed of my story. I can inspire others and be someone else’s survival guide.

Eating disorders may feel like a comfort or a best friend, but they aren’t. You don’t deserve punishment or pain. You offer something beautiful to this world and, despite the darkness, the light will shine again. I am nearly two years past my last suicide attempt and seven years out of inpatient treatment for anorexia. There is hope, even if others give up on you, you should bever give up on yourself.

I have learnt that anorexia never has, and never will, define me. It was never my comfort or release or best friend. Being brave enough to face it head-on and keep living was the scariest, hardest and most courageous decision I ever made.

I am so proud of myself. Life now has its challenges, but it is beautiful. I’m living without anorexia’s grip on me. The best step I ever took was to fight it and keep living, because life does get better with the right understanding, compassion, help and support.

There’s a song from a musical that sums it up for me: ‘Even when the dark comes crashing through, when you need a friend to carry you, when you’re broken on the ground: you will be found. So let the sun come streaming in, ’cause you’ll reach up and you’ll rise again, if you only look around: you will be found’.

The bravest thing I ever did was continue to live when I wanted to die.”